It seems that I've been bouncing up and down on the waves of life for some time now, awaiting a non existent rescue. There are times that it seems as if there is something, or someone, on the horizon but it turns out to only be a figment of my imagination. The sight and thoughts of this much needed rescue raises the spirits only to have them sink back to the bottom of the darkest depths.
It's funny how events and situations play out in ones life. Just when you finally, after so many years, start to see that small flicker of light at the end of the tunnel, only to have it smolder, burn out and the tunnel collapse down on top of you.
That's basically how I've been feeling lately. Between all of the hectic things going on at work and the non existence of a personal life and lacking that special someone, I seem to be in that stagnation frame of mind. It gets rather depressing at times, but what can one do but stay the course and forge ahead without looking back.
I really thought that there was a chance i'd be reconnected with the one I thought, dreamt and prayed, I was meant to be with. But it turns out that I would be forgotten, betrayed, left behind, dropped like some bad habit. That would turnout to be quite a blow to my system, paralyzing yet painfully sharp like a dagger right through what was left of my heart.
I guess I should have seen it coming, with the absence of phone calls, visits, lesser and lesser text messages and instant messages. I gave and I gave for what, heartache and emptiness. I guess being the nice guy doesn't pay, but that has always been the case in my life. What gets me is that i would drop whatever i was doing, go out of my way, give what little I had at times, to help this person in all of their times of needs. And to think I would have been happy with one last goodbye, one last hug, one last kiss. I guess I never really was the one that I thought I could be, just a fool for believing it all. Maybe more the sucker.
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Location:Jefferson St,Carlstadt,United States
